Episode 89: Curses!

All of my adult life, I have been cursed with the inability to open plastic bags, particularly those used for produce.

I will stand at a counter displaying, say, beans. I will pull a bag off the roll, trying to snap it where the perforated line is, only to have the snap fade to an ugly pull. The bag hangs limply, and I grind my teeth while trying to separate the two bags. Eventually I yank them apart.

It gets worse.

I stand in front of the beans and try to open the reluctant bag. I follow all the advice I’ve received over the years. Pull it apart in the middle. Roll the ends together on the side. Roll the top of the bag between your lips. (This works best if you’re wearing Chapstick or lipstick.)

Finally, I get it open and stuff the beans into it.

One day I am in a food coop having my usual struggles with a plastic bag. I’ve gone through all the tips I’ve been given with no luck.

Suddenly a man, a total stranger, marches up to me and snatches the bag out of my hands. He has it open in an instant. He shakes it out and hands it back to me and goes back the way he came before I could thank him or learn his technique.

Curses!