Episode 102: Thanksgiving Redux, Four Men and A Turkey

In the old days, the woman of the house and the daughters spent long hours preparing Thanksgiving dinner. So it is at our house. John, Eddie, Jake and Tyler spend hours in front of the television set watching seemingly never-ending football games. Even I am helping in the kitchen. Finally, the bird is golden brown, the stuffing is ready, the gravy has been stirred up, and the most important part, mashed potatoes, are done.

Because it is a special occasion, we have a bottle of Mateus Rosé open and ready to pour.

Mom and I get all the food on the table, and she shouts out, “Dinner’s ready. Let’s get started while it’s hot,” she says, as she heads back to the kitchen wiping the sweat from her forehead.

There’s no sound from the living room but the roaring of the crowds on the television.

Mom tries again, a little more sternly, “Come on, turn it off. Dinner’s getting cold.”

No response. We peer into the living room and see the man and three boys staring at the television with their mouths open as if hypnotized.

I glance at Mom and think, “She’s gonna blow!”

And she does.

“Goddamn it! Get your asses off that couch right this minute and get into the dining room.” She pauses as she whips the TV plug out of the wall circuit. The TV makes a strangled sound as it blinks off. “We’ve worked HOURS to get this meal ready. (Note the use of the royal ‘We.’) And listen up, after this, no more football on Thanksgiving!”

They all have enough grace to look chagrined, whether it’s for making Mom mad, or because of the ban on future Thanksgiving Day football games, is hard to tell.

***

My favorite Thanksgiving story is from another family. A friend of ours calls her mother the day after the holiday to see if she’d had a good day.

“Well, we were doing okay until the oven exploded. Shot the turkey clear across the kitchen, flaming like a rocket,” her mother said.

“Oh my god! Did you call the fire department?”

“Nah. We put out the fire then picked up that turkey, dusted it off, and took it over to Sissy’s house to finish cooking it.”